la vida es bella

from ours to yours

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

from ours to yours

2008-12-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

from ours to yours

2007-12-24T06:53:00.000-08:00

summer untrodden

2007-09-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

It is high time for an amendment to this particular journal of sorts, as I count down the minutes to what is sure to be a monumental vicissitude in our lives. It hit me this evening as an overwhelming wave of mixed emotions that when I am feeling so inclined as to post about that which proceeds tomorrow mornings events, I expect I will thoroughly appreciate looking back on such blessings as can be found in certain words & images in a place such as this.

And so, some of the main events of our summer are posted at long last in the form of pictures; because, after all, a picture paints a thousand words...

off to texas, y'all

2007-08-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

camping on the north shore

2007-07-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

little sluggers

2007-07-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

vamos a la playa!

2007-06-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

j turns 2 with FHC kids

2007-06-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

whitney's graduation week

2007-06-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

father's day prayer

2007-06-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Jesus,
Thank You for this food. And thank You for Daddy and Grandpa, and bless their special day. And praise the Lord!
Amen.
-DJC

no can do

2007-06-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the few pictures I had promised are not going to happen at the moment. I may find a way at a later date, but for now, the slow-as-snails internet is king. Such is.

holy buckets

2007-06-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

We're here...and what a whirlwind the last month has been. After renovating two houses, preparing to list a third, getting a business up and running, getting school stuff solidified for Devin, preparing for Whit's grad, my dad visiting for a few days, a million and a half errands, one too many all-nighters, and living out the remaining parts of "every day", we were pretty tired. I do not intend to complain in any way, but rather state the obvious: again, we're tired! (= On the same note, however, we have come out of it with a sense of accomplishment in that we followed through with what we had set out to do. Though all of this busyness was necessary, I am ultimately reminded of what I feel I am capable of doing if I allow myself to work at my full, God-given capacity. All too often I am complacent, and do not offer all of myself to be of use. As every day is of great importance, I hope to set goals for myself to do all that is possible with each single day gifted to me as He would see fit. I should be tired.

Random thoughts. Some things never change...

Anyways, we've had some down time the last day or so after the first part of the celebrations, so I thought I would take some time to update this thing with a few of the pics of our time thus far. I will try to post some more later, but the internet speed in this beautiful country greatly limits file size, and definitely prohibits me from uploading such things as slide shows. I'll do my best. No matter; I'll take this beauty over internet any day.

By the way, the boys did wonderfully on the plane ride. Dev was awesome, and J did quite well with not being able to run crazy. They are having a blast...

My beautiful sister graduates in T minus 3 hours...

the children's theater company

2007-03-14T21:46:00.000-07:00

I am an avid fan of the arts. Surprising, I know, but I am also a huge fan of making it accessible and appealing to all ages and stages, and even more so when it comes to my own kids...

Our fam just got back from watching a great performance of Huck Finn at the CTC tonight; it was a fabulous way to spend one of our last nights together before Peter & I are off to Ecuador. D & J are thoroughly entertained, even when the production targets children who are a bit older. We were let in on a best kept secret a couple of months ago when we were told that we could get in on an amazing deal by becoming a part of their "Pay What You Can" night. We hadn't been to any of their productions previously, not because we didn't want to, but because it is quite pricey. Our family of 4 would spend a minimum of $80 for one night if paying the full weekday price. However, through this program, they offer one night during the course of each production that allows families who might not get the chance otherwise to come and enjoy all that children's theater has to offer (last month we saw Tale of a West Texas Marsupial Girl). We absolutely love it...

I just thought I'd give anyone who is interested a heads up, because I am beginning to feel selfish for not sharing this valuable information that was thoughtfully shared with us. Their next production is the first of this season to target all ages; Seussical is based on different Dr. Seuss characters who all come together for a great time. We are already anticipating that night...Let me know if you want to go!

to quito & beyond

2007-03-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

“People think I go to bring Christ to the poor. They do not understand that it is in the poor that I meet Christ.”
-Mother Teresa

happy day, honey!

2007-03-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Hola, mi vida. Te amo tanto, tanto, tanto - cada día más. Sólo quise mandarte un saludo y decirte que te quiero más que cualquier otra persona en este mundo. Pensé que lo anunciaría en una manera de la cual millones podrán ver, algunos entenderán, pero sólo uno sabrá ...¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

tungurahua

2007-02-26T20:25:00.000-08:00

Our church has a mission team going to Ecuador again this year, and we have the privilege of working with my dad and Samaritan's Purse in the village of Penipe to build homes for those displaced from the eruption of Tungurahua.

3,200 people were evacuated last year, and three communities were completely wiped out. Many were treated for burns caused by lava flows and incandescent rocks that burned them as they tried to flee, as well as by vapor and the elevated heat in the zone. Only one death was reported as a result of the eruption; it was the first reported from a Tungurahua eruption since it came back to life in 1999 after being dormant for eight decades.

I think I possess a certain infatuation with volcanoes ever since I awoke to my best friend's phone call early one morning in high school, and was directed to go outside immediately and look up. This is what I saw when I did. Guagua Pichincha blew on October 17th, 1999; we had been prepared for it to happen for months, but nothing can explain the feeling of actually experiencing the ash cloud mushroom 5 miles up into the sky before making it's way across the city, enclosing the entire valley under a blanket of darkness as it rained down ash for days. We were thankful to have been kept safe by the mountain range that could have prohibited lava flow had it occurred. I wouldn't have understood had anyone questioned the awesomeness of God in the circumstance, as we had all witnessed an incredible natural phenomenon while being out of harm's way.

After Tungurahua destroyed and injured many last year, that sentiment was not as wide spread, as they lost their homes, livestock, crops, and any security they thought they had. There are many who are angry and questioning God and His awesomeness. I would say I understand the anger in this circumstance. I'm not sure what those we encounter will have to say one way or the other, but I am hoping to get even a small glimpse into how God is moving amidst this disaster...

it's official

2007-02-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

I am thrilled to announce that my dad is the new Country Director of Ecuador for Samaritan's Purse. It has been a process for my family to make a transition out of his business, but it has been so amazing to see how God has worked in their lives as they have been faithful to His call.

Congratulations, dad! I love you so much and am so proud of you!

henri nouwen

2007-02-10T23:15:00.000-08:00

"A human being is not someone who once in a while makes a mistake, and God is not someone who now and then forgives. No, human beings are sinners and God is love."

dear devin,

2007-01-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe you are 5 years old today. I remember the moment you were born and the tears of joy that came during one of the most incredible days of my life; you have asked me why I am sad that it's your birthday this week, and I have tried to explain that I am still just as happy to have you to love today as the day God introduced us. "Silly mom," you said, "I love you, too, but I'm just always happy about it!"

I wanted to write you a quick note to remind you of some of the things going on in your heart and mind on your 5th birthday, as well as some of your favorite things...

Anyone who knows you knows that God has given you a mind for knowledge. At the moment, your mind needs to make up words in order to try to express all of the things brimming from that head of yours. An example is this: (while expressing your amazement regarding gravity) "I just can't believe it! It's undylating! There is this force that rezedens everything in outer space so that all of the planets can be pulled in the right place". (= I love your big words. Soon enough yours will be words I have to look up in order to understand...

This last week as we were all driving home, you must have been contemplating what it means to grow older. In a distressed tone, you asked, "Is there any way to stop my brain from growing?" It was complete with your squinty worried face and your hands clenched at the sides of your head. When we started trying to give you an answer, you immediately interjected with, "No, I just really want to be an astronaut when I grow up. Do you think God will still let me be an astronaut? I don't want to change my mind." Once again, over our smiles, we started to explain that God has given you gifts and passions to serve Him with. The final interjection came quickly as a sense of peacefulness came over you as you said, "It's okay guys, I can be whatever I want to be when I am old. I just really want to be an astronaut right now, and that's okay..." I must say, though, becoming either an astronaut or a paleontologist ("dinosaur expert" as you like to call it) would suit you quite well at this point in your life. (= You will accomplish anything you set your mind to do.

You are still the biggest goof ball ever, and we love to laugh with you. You love to tell jokes and be the life of every party. This is a picture of you dressing up in your Grandpa's hat and glasses and making everyone laugh. Your newest thing is to talk in different accents and pretend you are someone else. You and your dad love to be silly together. You fill our lives with joy.

I believe that God is teaching you more and more each day to put others above yourself. Though this is hard for all of us, I am seeing you realize and reference things that you are aware of without having to be reminded. Recently, you were challenged to raise enough money to feed almost 200 children a meal. You were very encouraged at first, but lost a bit of steam after a while. Just a week ago, you thought of it yourself again, and now only have $1.50 left to go! You are also very passionate about your "best buddies". They all love you in return, and you are learning what it means to be a friend.

Lastly, you are an incredible big brother. J loves you so very much, and follows you everywhere day in and day out. You have always been his protector and I cannot remember a single time you have fought with him. You have taught him so much of what he knows, and I know that he would tell you how much he loves you if he could. Instead, though, he shows you every day. Or, in his words, "I uff ooo too!"

I know that God is smiling and delighting in your special day today along with daddy & me, J, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. You have brought such an amazing light into this world, and I am so proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday love...

www.theamazingchange.com

2007-01-18T02:20:00.000-08:00

spreading

2007-01-02T00:11:00.000-08:00

the

2007-01-02T00:03:00.000-08:00

love

2007-01-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

feliz año

2007-01-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

It is the end of one year and the start of another...and we were blessed to celebrate both with those we love beyond words. We said farewell to my family this morning after a great time together full of long awaited introductions, first ever snowfalls, more family get-togethers than our stomachs could handle, late night movies & games, and laughter & love enough to fill our home for the year to come. I am already reminiscing as I view the moments captured in photographs; I cannot thank God enough for the blessing that each one of these individuals have been to my life...

This last year has been full of all the growth & struggle, victory & defeat that I fathom life could offer, and yet I wait expectantly that at the end of this one, God will have revealed to me how far I have yet to go in the journey. It is this desire for the adventure of what following after Him brings which compels me to move forward. I pray that the number of victories take over the defeats as I continue to learn to seek His face, as there is nothing I long for more than the words "Well done, my good and faithful servant..."

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

from ours to yours

2006-12-25T23:44:00.000-08:00

come...

2006-11-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

My heart has been aching. Weeping. Longing. I can only pray. Pray that I never again pass up the chance to love. Never waste an opportunity to go where God is calling me. Seek out His voice. To reach for His hand and follow after wherever it may lead. I cannot fathom living in naiveté, waiting for this world to change. It is not possible. His Love is much too great for that. And if nothing else, to pray unceasingly that the beautiful souls in need may come to the saving knowledge of Truth and run freely into His loving arms. That every tongue of every nation will praise His name. Because He is the only answer.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

For myself and for you, whoever you may be, I pray we refuse getting caught up in the triteness of the celebrations these times bring and make an effort, as small as it may seem, to make a sacrifice. Step outside of our own lives and into the lives of those He is waiting for. Commit to pray for the opportunity to be of service. Begin right where we are. You can easily look up postings of volunteer need in your area at Volunteer Match, or check out many different places on the web. There are so many great organizations to support if one were seeking. Locally, both Feed My Starving Children and Loaves & Fishes are great places that allow you to walk right in and serve. They both have numerous openings in the next few weeks before Christmas! Groups such as World Vision, Feed The Children, Samaritan's Purse, and Compassion are well known organizations who can only make the difference they do through the support offered. I strongly encourage us all to educate ourselves and those around us about the condition of the world we are living in enough to know what to pray for and how to make a difference. Unicef has an informative report entitled "The State of the World's Children 2006: Excluded and Invisible". I would encourage you to take a look at it. You can check out the popular ONE blog here to explore world poverty and how people are being affected, as well.

May this season of Love, Joy, & Peace truly become just that to you and to those who have yet to know what it means. God bless...

alas, i oblige...

2006-10-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

...and i shall offer no explanation. A few should appear, and still more prevail. And that, my friends, is how the cookie crumbles...

I will be leaving this cold state for a short while. I go through stages of excitement, but right now I am a bit sad. I hate the day-before-you-go syndrome where everything turns into the "last time for the time being". Hence all the cuddling. I love all of my boys, but I do hope they know how much I do every day, not just the day-before-I-go hundred times. Give 'em some love if you think of it...(=

random thought

2006-10-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

You know you've got a friend when you ask them to elicit an embarassing moment, emphatic no less, at their expense and your benefit.

If you weren't sure enough, it had better be irrefutable after you call them and ask them to do the very same thing that very same day after they thought they were recovering at home in peace. And they said yes.

I hope you are recovering, because I am about to pick up the phone...

(=

breathe deep

2006-10-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

I find myself gasping for air. Too many shallow breaths after breathing becomes routine and I have forgotten why I do it.

Oh man, do I love C. S. Lewis...

"As soon as the Lady was out of sight Ransom's first impulse was to run his hands through his hair, to expel the breath from his lungs in a long whistle, to light a cigarette, to put his hands in his pockets, and in general, to go through all that ritual of relaxation which a man performs on finding himself alone after a rather trying interview. But he had no cigarettes and no pockets: nor indeed did he feel himself alone. That sense of being in Someone's Presence which had descended on him with such unbearable pressure during the very first moments of his conversation with the Lady did not disappear when he had left her. It was, if anything, increased. Her society had been, in some degree, a protection against it, and her absence left him not to solitude but to a more formidable kind of privacy. At first it was almost intolerable; as he put it to us, in telling the story, "There seemed no room." But later on, he discovered that it was intolerable only at certain moments -- at just those moments in fact (symbolised by his impulse to smoke and to put his hands in his pockets) when a man asserts his independence and feels that now at last he's on his own. When you felt like that, then the very air seemed too crowded to breathe; a complete fullness seemed to be excluding you from a place which, nevertheless, you were unable to leave. But when you gave in to the thing, gave yourself up to it, there was no burden to be borne. It became no a load but a medium, a sort of splendour as of eatable, drinkable, breathable gold, which fed and carried you and not only poured into you but out from you as well. Taken the wrong way, it suffocated; taken the right way, it made terrestrial life seem, by comparison, a vacuum. At first, of course, the wrong moments occurred pretty often. But like a man who has a wound that hurts him in certain positions, Ransom learned not to make that inner gesture. His day became better and better as the hours passed..." -C.S. Lewis, Perelandra

when chief sinners become moral guardians

2006-10-05T00:06:00.000-07:00

"The brutal fact is that we Christians are not generally known for our love - for the simple reason that we, like the pharisees of old, generally judge more than we love...

For the church to lack love is for the church to lack EVERYTHING. No heresy could conceivably be worse."

-Gregory A. Boyd, The Myth of a Christian Nation

the kingdom of the cross

2006-10-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

"The love we are called to trust and emulate is supremely manifested in the cross of Jesus. The cross is the ultimate symbol of the Kingdom of God, for it defines what the Kingdom always looks like. It looks like Christ - self-sacrificial and loving. It looks like grace."

-Gregory A. Boyd, The Myth of a Christian Nation

the kingdom of the sword

2006-10-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

"We fallen humans have passionate convictions that control us and lead us into conflict with others who have equally passionate convictions. We believe in our nation over and against their nation, our religion over and against their religion, our culture over and against their culture, our political ideology over and against their political ideology, and so on. And insofar as we are influenced by the kingdom of the world, we express these passions by attempting to exercise "power over" others as their nation, culture, religion, or political ideology conflicts with or threatens our own. Violence is the inevitable result."

"...So long as people locate their worth, significance, and security in their power, possessions, traditions, reputations, religions, behaviors, tribe, and nation rather than in a relationship with their Creator, Babylon's bloody tit-for-tat game is inevitable. Of course, peaceful solutions must still be sought and can, to some degree, be attained with regard to each particular conflict. But as long as humans define their personal and tribal self-interests over and against other people's competing personal and tribal self-interests, violence is inevitable and will break out again."

-Gregory A. Boyd, The Myth of a Christian Nation

post from the past

2006-09-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

I have been wrestling for the last few days. Asking God a lot more questions than I have been willing to listen for the answers to.

I was on my way back from the doctor's office - a routine I am getting more than used to, and had once again allowed myself to become afflicted by the reason for it. I asked Him to let me hear Him. Loud and clear. I needed to hear Him. And then came this:

I got home and sat down with the computer to do the whole schpiel. When I check for new blog feeds, there are times when a feed will reappear for some reason or another, most likely because some part of the html's brain has altered (this, my own feed on Bloglines - and yes, I took a picture of it to remember this moment - so call me crazy). So it was much to my surprise when it showed I had a "new" post as I knew I hadn't posted for a while. When I clicked on it, it only took me a moment to realize what I was reading before I began to shake my head and smile, thanking God for His voice that is ever present, and sometimes comes in strange ways.

Those very same words I heard months ago were exactly what I needed to hear today:

"There is so much more..."

body worlds

2006-09-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth...

My grandma and Devin and I were able to take a trip to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Science Museum as an early birthday celebration of sorts. There has been a bit of controversy over this anatomical showcase both locally as well as nationally since its origination. Though that alone peaked my interest from the start, I was curious to see how these authentic human specimens, preserved through Plastination, would play with my perception on the incredibility of life.

All of the displays are very interesting and informative, and all such obvious evidence of God's great work in what we call our existence. I could not get over the thousands of complexities and intricacies that each new body brought to life. But nothing was more moving than a room that was sectioned off near the end of the exhibit which held a mother and her 8 month old child yet to be born inside of her...

The moment I found my way in, I noticed two people sobbing on the opposite side of the room - one, a teen buried in the arms of her mother, the other, a woman in her thirties staring in amazement at the life portrayed before her eyes. The very first display caught me off guard as it moved me to tears instantly in the same way it had thousands more, I'm sure. I saw the fragile body of a 13 week old fetus and was struck with grief over our precious baby we lost at that very same stage. I had not grieved for a long time until then, and was softened to what that room truly represented...

I continued to grieve for the loss of the many lives I slowly passed by. The importance of Life and only Life slapped me in the face, and I was not able to see anything else for the remainder of the time. So much time spent finding ways to put uselessness and filth in a higher place than loving God and His people. The people He knit together piece by tiny piece, the people He breathed into existence and knows by name and every thought; the people He longs to hold as they come running into His arms. The people He sent His son to die for. The life too tiny for any human eye to see, and yet some feel they have the right to dispose of. I thought at that moment that every young woman should be in that room, seeing what I was seeing, knowing without a doubt that God creates nothing but Life and that without Him they know not what it is to Live...

the rivertown inn

2006-09-14T00:39:00.000-07:00

A couple of weekends ago, Peter and I were able to celebrate our 5th Anniversary in luxury, and I only write of it here in order that one does not pass it up if the opportunity were to present itself to stay in this incredible Bed & Breakfast. Located in Stillwater, the Rivertown Inn is a luxurious retreat with exquisite decor, great food and service, and perfect attention to detail. I don't believe I would typically be a fan of B&B's on any level, but I cannot wait until we can return again in the near future.

We were fortunate enough to stay in the Oscar Wilde Carriage House Grand Suite, a room I had been eyeing for quite some time, as it happened to become available after having been booked for weeks straight. This "avant-garde and wildly romantic two-room suite celebrates the lavish style of the flamboyant writer. The main sleeping chamber features a pentagonal bed draped in richly-colored fabrics, an ornate Victorian fireplace mantel, and a cozy sitting area in front of the fire. Stained glass doors lead into the second sleeping chamber, which features a unique bronze-trimmed twin French sleigh bed topped with tasseled leopard print pillows, and soothing deep green walls. This suite features two private (spa) baths for a feeling of pure opulence." Words do not do it justice. Though both carriage house suites were spectacular, all of the rooms in the main house were beautiful, as well; all decorated in the spirit of 19th century poets.

All this to say get there if you are able...

...No, seriously...

continuum

2006-09-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

john mayer.

smooth, soulful, bluesy.

get it. got it. good.

until we have faces

2006-08-22T23:11:00.002-07:00

A personal reflection of sorts on the evenings dialogue...

I have found myself a slave to letting my knowledge of God replace my relationship, or lack thereof, with Him at times. I do not believe that I am conscious of this upon an execution, hence labeling myself a quintessential prisoner.

We are all creatures continuously plagued with questions; perpetually seeking answers to profundities, solutions to complexities, reasonings for simplicities. It is a simple thing to convince myself that God is God, along with everything else I have learned and accepted as truth thus far in life. It is also, then, effortless to assume that I am acting or thinking something because I am certain of those truths. But what of the lies that coexist in bondage to that which has been overlooked? What of the fallacies? The answer to all things, though discernibly complex in nature, comes back down to one very simple truth...

God is the answer. Not the words or faces or meanings I assign to God, but the experience of meeting Him. Allowing all of the illusions spinning in constant motion fall away so that I can meet Him. Coming before Him face to face as my many masks slowly evanesce. Being able to fall on my face before His glorious face; knowing God completely and forever.

I am free. Because I have been set free. Though once shackled, I dance. Though lost, I am found. Blinded, but I see Light. Crucified with Christ and yet I live, for Christ lives in me. I am nothing without Him; I have no answer if not His. For this I strive, and must always...

Because I am free...

progress

2006-07-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have 30 minutes to kill before I wake p diddy up, send him off to the Boundary Waters, and enter the life of a single parent for only the second time in our lives thus far. I know what you are thinking: Who in their right mind decides to leave at three in the morning to go camping? I ask myself the same question (actually, that is an untruth; I could arguably be insanely jealous, as an adventurous side to me secretly loves to camp out under the stars. It has been entirely too long...Hmmm, anyone up for planning a big trip anytime soon?). I will admit I am already a bit ancy at the thought of how very ancy I expect to be come Saturday evening. I will surely be out and about to prevent the stir-crazy syndrome. Props to Pete for agreeing to do this for me many more times than I have ever been faced with myself. Have fun honey! (=

Anywho (wow I must actually be tired at 2 in the morning based on my capricious vocabulary, sporadic train of thought, and impromptu self analysis. amazing. my apologies...), I wanted to record yet another Devin & God moment in order that I do not forget it entirely. Though it is most likely not word for word, what will follow is the basic dialogue of Devin's prayer before dinner tonight. I could not contain my smiles as I was reminded of the fact that authenticity in that relationship is not something I as a parent can force. But it is always so amazing to be a witness to the moments when they come naturally. And such a fulfilling way that God speaks to me through my son.

One last preface...Devin almost always insists he be the one to pray before meals, and his typical prayer goes a lot like this: "Dear Jesus, Thank you for our food, and Amen". He has been known to say some pretty complicated things from the mouth of a 4 year old in his conversations with his "real, REAL dad", so comparatively it seems quite short and sweet. But that has seemed to be his mealtime prayer for quite some time. You can imagine my surprise when it didn't end there tonight...

"Dear Jesus, Thank you for our food, and thank you for these green tortillas; they're so cool!

(quick eye opening to look out the window, followed by big smile, then eyes snap shut...)

Thank you for all of the beautiful trees that give us oxygen so that we can live. Please help us plant more trees so that we can make more oxygen. Do you think you could help us plant trees?

Also, umm, please help all the mommies and kids who don't have food to eat right now. It would be so awesome if you could send them some green tortillas, too. No, no, BLUE tortillas! Yeah, blue. That would be so cool!

Thank you for the really great story about Jesus today. And thank you that mommy found a solar system game to play on the computer. It's so cool! Amen."

"Ahhh. Let's eat!"

(5 seconds later...)

"Oh shoot mom, I forgot to tell God something! I need to pray again. Jaden, fold your hands..."

"Dear Jesus, I'm sorry for disobeying mommy. I just really have a big mess. Please help me clean up my toy room so that I can have Jonah and Jack over again tomorrow. Amen."

"Okay. Let's eat!"

driving takes me away...

2006-07-16T03:24:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I have spent early morning hours in the car in solitude, bearing witness to the incredible intricacies of daybreak. And these, the words that continue to saturate my soul, have provided an anchor of hope.

"Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:21-23

grandma's here

2006-07-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

My mom arrived safely, and it has been great to spend time with her...The kids are having a blast with their grandma! We will be spending the next few days up north with her family; the memorial service is this afternoon. Thanks again for all of your prayers! (=

10 minutes and counting...

2006-06-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Man. It has been a long couple of days. I couldn't even tell you why - it just has. Thanks to friends for encouragement, family for support, and to my hubby for letting me depart on random nightly furloughs when I am craving solitude, clarity, direction, a good cry, His voice, and pretty much anything in between.

And now, I shall meet my incredible mother in mere minutes. For those who are unaware, her oldest sister died Monday morning, and we were unsure of whether she would be able to make it up here until the last minute. For those of you who knew, thanks for praying, because the wheels are about to touch down...

ayayayayay

2006-06-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

Thought I should give a brief update on the World Cup...

So, because we lost today, I don't have much motivation left other than to say we lost. We were beat out by Germany, losing 3 goals to none. If you feel like looking at the stats, here is Ecuador's home page on ESPN...We will now play England - winner of Group B - on Sunday at 10:00 am CST. It should be a fun game to watch. Alas, the day is done. However, as down as I may sound, I am simply wiped out at the end of a great day. (= Peace.

¡feliz cumpleaños m'hijo!

2006-06-20T04:55:00.000-07:00

My not-so-baby-anymore boy turns one today. I cannot fathom the flight of time as I look back to this day a year ago and recall with such clarity the very first time I knew he was ready to come into this world...

Jaden is my mommy's boy. It has changed a bit now that he can get around on his own, but I can still always count on him to want to cuddle at the drop of a hat. He has been so full of joy for his first year, and has made it quite easy to be a parent if I do say so myself. I will probably be eating my words on years 2, 3 & 4, and 5 - 18, as his mischievous side has not come out until very recently, but he truly brings so much sunshine to our lives! (= He loves to eat, cuddle, play with his big brother, eat, play peek-a-boo, swim, eat, and play ball...I am so thankful for this incredible gift.

I'm FINALLY a big boy, mom!...

...Did someone say "eat"?

Brotherly love...

...Goofball Corniea #3

Dreaming of eating...

..."J"

Happy Birthday J! We love you!!!

dear mom...

2006-06-20T04:53:00.000-07:00

Fun Fact: Did you know that by left-clicking on any picture posted on this blog, you can view it full size and even save it to disk to be printed out if you so chose?

(=

a father's many faces

2006-06-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

I could not retire this day without writing a few lines of tribute to my husband and daddy of two amazing boys. And what better way than to capture just a few traits with pictures...

"Silly goose"...Our home is filled with joyous laughter because of you, and the boys can't help but pick up on the importance of experiencing true contentment in the shared smiles, giggles, and light hearted moments that you provide for them. You are teaching them that our Father in heaven has created each of them uniquely in His image, and that there is great freedom in being oneself...

"Proud Papa"...You teach them to live with a fearless spirit, but are the first one to pick them up when they have fallen. You are learning to love their passions right along side of them , even when you have finally given in to the fact that those may or may not include football (= (side note - this is Devin's first time bowling on Friday in which he happened to pick up a set of spares without using the bumper)...

"Loving Arms" - Your heart is unmistakable. The amount of passion inside of you is immeasurable. Anyone who knows you experiences it on some level; your sons experience it every day of their lives. They will always know that they have a place to belong, a place of shelter, a place of acceptance. They will always know forgiveness. They will always want to be held in your loving embrace. They are experiencing the Love who is Christ through their daddy, and will know that same Love the rest of their lives...

We love you and are blessed by you. Thank you, Father, for this father...

"si se puede, si se puede..."

2006-06-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

Not one, not two, but - count 'em - THREE goals just sealed the deal for Ecuador this morning against Costa Rica in the World Cup. Beautiful. A 3 - 0 win puts Ecuador in great standings to take the lead in Group A; the goal differencial rolls over to a simple tie with Germany on Tuesday to advance to the semi finals...I just got off the phone with my dad, and he said the streets are already packed with people beginning to celebrate at a mere 9:30 in the morning mark. Tuesday just so happens to be Jaden's big 1st bday, as well, so it would seem quite fitting for them both to reach the big ONE. Gotta love it!

gooooaaaaallll!!!

2006-06-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

We won our first partido against Poland this afternoon, 2-0! The team was looking good. My boys got a kick out of mom jumping up and down and screaming at the tv for 2 hours. A quote from an ESPN commentator immediately after the game: "Boy, would I like to be in Quito tonight! It is a great place to be for the party that has already started!" Hence my only qualm. Hopefully tomorrow finds me less embittered...(=

commissioned

2006-05-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here typing at what I consider to be perfect timing, as I refuse to let the conversation going on behind me between Devin and a buddy go unrecorded...

"Jesus is in your heart & Jesus is in my heart."
"No, I don't want to."
"Yes, He is. It's the TRUTH! He really is in your heart."
"No He's not."
"Yes He is. He died on the cross. You will have consequences when you go home if you say that again."
"No. I don't want to."
"Mom, he is saying that Jesus is not in his heart, but it's the truth. Right mom?"

(mom tries to give an intelligible answer about the decision each of us must make)

"See, it's the truth"

(silence on the other end)

"Mom, will he go to heaven?"

(mom tries hard to find words to encourage this other young one, while making sure that Devin knows the conversation he is having with his friend is of great importance)

"Okay, well you should ask Jesus in your heart, okay?"
"Okay"
"Okay. Let's see if that bug is still dead..."

vamos ecuadoooooorrrr....

2006-05-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

The greatest thing about having to say goodbye is the anticipation of the next hello. If not for that hope, I do not believe I would cope with despedidas much at all. They have, however, been something I have grown more than accustomed to throughout the course of my life thus far. The reunion with the boys was wonderful, as I missed them even before I walked out the door. The fact that one is saying his first words and moving around at the speed of lightning compared to when I left adds to the occasion. Saying goodbye to the fam in Quito was still difficult, though the hope of reuniting is expected to occur very soon...

The Copa Mundial kicks off next month with Ecuador playing a couple of days after the opening ceremonies. As much as I root for my country, I do not expect them to go far this year. Such is the life of the game. Never does that dull the celebration, though! Any time there are important partidos going on, there is not a television not tuned in to the game, not a fan slacking, not a jersey left unworn. Having said as much, we are now suited up for the good times, and hopeful that we will be present in the best place to spend that time. We are excitedly anticipating the next hello!

P.S. - Thanks for the oso de alpaca, abuelitos! He hasn't put him down yet. See you all soon! (=

hogar, dulce hogar

2006-04-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

A woman named Evelyn who was only a few days ago a stranger spoke words this evening that struck a chord with me, resonating through my heart strings to change the tune I had been humming for the previous 24 hours. These, the few chosen words at the end of one of my favorite chapters in Paul's letter to the Philippians, have filled me with a hope that I do not find myself often accepting.

"No es que ya lo haya conseguido todo, o que ya sea perfecto. Sin embargo, sigo adelante esperando alcanzar aquello para lo cual Cristo Jesús me alcanzó a mí. Hermanos, no pienso que yo mismo lo haya logrado ya. Más bien, una cosa hago: olvidando lo que queda atrás y esforzándome por alcanzar lo que está delante, sigo avanzando hacia la meta para ganar el premio que Dios ofrece mediante su llamamiento celestial en Cristo Jesús. Así que, ¡escuchen los perfectos! Todos debemos tener este modo de pensar. Y si en algo piensan de forma diferente, Dios les hará ver esto también. En todo caso, vivamos de acuerdo con lo que ya hemos alcanzado. Hermanos, sigan todos mi ejemplo, y fíjense en los que se comportan conforme al modelo que les hemos dado. Como les he dicho a menudo, y ahora lo repito hasta con lágrimas, muchos se comportan como enemigos de la cruz de Cristo. Su destino es la destrucción, adoran al dios de sus propios deseos y se enorgullecen de lo que es su vergüenza. Sólo piensan en lo terrenal. En cambio, nosotros somos ciudadanos del cielo, de donde anhelamos recibir al Salvador, el Señor Jesucristo..."

But our citizenship is in heaven...

This will always be a home to me, and these, a people that I am passionately moved by. However, it is not the place that binds us, but rather the love of Christ Jesus who gave His life that we may live & love with an intensity that is unmatched. Thank you Lord for these joyous hearts we encountered today who, though may have nothing in the eyes of the world, have everything they could possibly need. This truly is a home, sweet home...

¡feliz cumpleaños, mi vida!

2006-03-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

...and the whoppin 2 - 5 at that...

I believe that this is the first evening in quite a while in which the clock reading 8:34 p.m. on our way home seemed impossibly early, as we were all exhausted. My hubby humbly shared his birthday celebrations with 2 other youngsters today, and we have all too many favors and treats and sugar overdoses to show for it. It was a wonderful day, nonetheless.

Wow, we are aging gracefully along with the best of 'em, p diddy. (= And there is no one I'd rather grow older and wiser and more beautiful each day with than you. Happy Birthday PJC.

edit: Why I held off on posting this on the actual date is beyond me. As far as special occasions go, I will do my best to post accurately from this point on. Mil disculpas, honey!

psalm 139

2006-03-01T06:40:00.000-08:00

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

breathing life...

2006-02-22T00:51:00.000-08:00

I want to link to an old chum's post. For some reason, it reminded me and forced me to look up the following passage in Acts 17...

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'
"Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone - an image made by man's design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead."

Are we breathing the breath that he gave us to breathe to worship him, or is it polluted with all of the idols that pervade our world today? We have all been searchers, and will continue to be, but those of us who have received the gift of Life have a great responsibility. Thanks, Lisa, for a creative reminder, as always.

"Don't ever wonder what you can offer when inside you carry Life..."

random thought

2006-02-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

Relationships are like homemade by D and E, fresh out the oven cinnamon rolls. Unless you take the time to unroll and savor every layer, you will miss out on the beauty of the best part: the raw, rich, soft, ooey, gooey, scrumptious center. Nothing like deep thoughts from sugar indulgences...

feliz dia de san valentin

2006-02-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

Happy Love Day.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

1 John 3:16

On a separate, yet analogous note, I happened upon this picture as I have been doing what I wish was spring cleaning, and thought today would be a perfect day to pay homage to mis padres for being true exemplars of how to live this out on a daily basis. So, thanks guys. Les amo!

A mi esposo - "Loving you, I know that I can face tomorrow..."

why a stranger blogs

2006-02-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

I was blog surfing today when I came across a post by Mark Batterson on why he blogs. Brenton was the one who first linked me to his site. Mark is the Lead Pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC and a blogging power house if you were to ask my opinion. Dude has more updates than most of my feeds combined! (= Funny how though most of us on this earth have never met, this virtual world we are a part of unites us in some way, bringing yet another intense element of presence as we strive to bring fruition to our mission. And so, though someone like Mark and myself have never had any form of contact, I would say he has made himself anything but a stranger. As I have been reading quite deep - too deep, probably - into the purpose of this whole blogosphere, I was enlightened by his reasonings. They reminded me of why I was so encouraged by all of this when I began...

jumping on jesus

2006-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Most every day for the last couple of months finds me in awe of the complexities of the maturing thoughts that run through my son's mind. Many of these have had something to do with the things of God. I find myself encouraged in that though the negative responses to parenting seem to sometimes outweigh the positives, the positives shine so very bright. This is something I have mentioned previously, but more importantly something I don't want to forget.

I gave Devin a consequence earlier this afternoon for reasons that now elude me. He had to go to his room and sit in his chair to contemplate the meaning of his four year old life, and when he had it all figured out, he was to tell me so I could excuse him from his room. I was nearby when I heard him start to call out, "Jesus. Jesus... Jesus? JESUS??" which was then followed by much of the same, the volume and intensity heightening with each word. It turned into a pattern interrupted by shortness of breath... "JE - ee - ee -SUS!! JE - -SUS!" I knew then that he was jumping on his bed. This spell finally ended with a loudly dramatic and frustrated, "Huummpphh!!" followed by a big plop and then silence.

When the time had passed, I called him into my room and asked him what he had been thinking. I should preface his response by saying that we have had much discussion as of late regarding the Trinity, location of heaven, location of Jesus and His daddy God, et cetera et cetera. Jesus is number one on his radar, with due reason, of course, as most stories he hears have to do with His life. He said something along these lines....

"Mommy, Jesus is always with me, right?...Jesus is everywhere, right, he is just invisible?... Jesus is even on my bed, right?...Well, mom, I can't find Him. I was calling Him and he didn't answer. I even jumped on Him and He still didn't say anything....Is it bad to jump on Jesus?"

The boys and I then took a nap, and I smiled to myself knowing my son is searching for Jesus everywhere. He will surely find Him, very possibly on his bed...

slide

2006-02-06T23:04:00.000-08:00

I reread something tonight that I had been convicted about after reading it the first time a little while ago. There were many things that I had thought of that I wanted to be sure and sort through. Yet as I read this again, I realized that I had let it all slide under the rug without much conviction at all. How easy it is to let things such as these fade out of our priority lists when they are things we don't necessarily want to face. It was a good reminder that letting things slide means it will inevitably be downwards.

4 year old theologies

2006-02-02T19:51:00.000-08:00

"I'm sad tonight because the earth is lost. Please help me feel better, Jesus. I love the earth. If You could find it, I wouldn't be sad anymore." -DJC (spoken in his bedtime prayer in regards to having misplaced part of the solar system he got for his birthday)

gas leak?

2006-02-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

We were sitting downstairs, having a quiet evening, when I decided that I smelled something fishy. Well, not fishy, but gassy. And not human, but elemental. And funny thing is that I am all stuffed up and not really smelling anything at all. We called the 'rents and were advised to call the gas company as this is something you don't mess around with. Gas company called, we were told to get out of the house but stay close by as we would be arrested if we didn't let them in (or something like that). Out we went, all in our pj's, into our car to wait. And wait. And the moral of the story is...

As we were contemplating the complete demolition of our house by the explosion we were sure we would see, I asked myself if there was anything of value that I should attempt to run in and grab. I thought about grabbing the million dollars cash we stash in our freezer, or my favorite pair of shoes, but decided I would rather live. Instead, I looked over and saw my beautiful family and realized there was nothing in the world that comes close to how much they mean to me. I was overwhelmed by love on this cold night in our car singing silly songs, waiting for a flash.

(I might add that Peter and I thought it may be beneficial for the thing to blow as it would make our move quite easy. I will also add that after all of these incredibly deep thoughts had passed, I then thought of my amazingly crafted Ecuadorian watercolors, my unique red chaises, and all of our pictures, and how I really would like to have those around for a long time. So I guess I am human after all.)

feliz cumpleanos

2006-01-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

My baby turned 4 today. My how time flies. And worse than anything, both he and his brother are terribly sick. It made for some great cuddling time, though. At the end of the day while putting him to sleep, all the while grasping a bucket alongside his bed "just in case", he said, "You can leave me alone now, mom. I'm a big boy now. I'm 4..." He ended up asking me if I had work to do, and then reasoned that it would be okay for me to sit in the chair and work on the computer until he fell asleep. I would have been the one who cried myself to sleep had he not presented me with the offer!

I love you Devin! You are such an amazing big boy. You have the ability to make me laugh much like someone else we know well. You are incredibly intelligent and will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to do. I am blessed by you and can only pray you come to know and love Him and live life to the fullest. And please, always let your mommy put you to sleep if she asks! (= Happy Birthday, love!

defensiveness

2006-01-20T21:05:00.000-08:00

"Mommy, you have a really great memory. But sometimes you forget a lot of things."

This is an observation given to me by my son as we were driving earlier in the day. I laughed so hard with him, as he was simply stating the obvious, lacing in a few accompanying loving words so as not to make me feel bad. As I reflect on this statement, I realize how easy it is to accept a word of truth from such an innocent heart. On the other hand, had anyone else made such a simple observation, I am quite sure my defensiveness would have surely kicked in, making me blow out of proportion in some way or another what was intended to be mere cognizance. I would have turned facile statement into ployed criticism. This is something I seem to wrestle with on a consistent basis.

Constantly protecting myself from criticism, exposure of any shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the ego creates a wall between myself and anyone else. The more I learn to respond with this state of mind, the further I separate myself from experiencing authenticity with that person; not only that, but my own self assessment becomes skewed.

The opposite side to this is that so many times we speak harsher words to each other than should ever be muttered. Are we so flawed that we cannot manage take our selfishness out of the picture? As disciples, we need to be ever so aware of the intent behind our words and actions, or we create a reason for those we affect to be defensive.

Paul nails it when he says this in 2 Cor 12: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

This is quite a feat to strive for. But can you imagine the power of a people whose words spoke nothing but truth in love? Can you fathom the freedom that would come in boasting of our weaknesses?

the voice

2006-01-15T23:20:00.000-08:00

I will always have questions no matter what stage of life or state of emotion i am in. I confuse these for doubts at times, but there is this sense of mystery that will always invade my thoughts. A still voice that is oddly comforting as it says, "There is so much more..."

drum roll please...

2006-01-09T19:26:00.000-08:00

Alas, it is here. The Korg Triton Studio. The one and only. It has been here for a while, but I haven't gotten around to writing about it. My church was able to make this purchase, and I am so excited about the possibilities. Some feared that my nights would no longer consist of blogging, but would be eaten up by this amazing piece of equipment. However, due to the monstrosity of the thing, we can't quite figure out how to adequately transport it from home to church and back, meaning it collects some dust during the week. Not only that, but it will take me a nice long time to make use of all its capabilities. If anyone reading happens to know a skilled Korger, give me a ring.

This is Mr. Muscles helping me get it out of the box the first day. The UPS lady and I had quite the time, as well, but it is well worth the efforts.

-mother teresa

2006-01-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

"The fullness of our heart is expressed in our eyes, in our touch, in what we write, in what we say, in the way we walk, the way we receive, the way we need."

twas the day after

2005-12-26T20:23:00.000-08:00

Why is it that every time I go to Target, I am consistently reminded of the depravity of the human condition? As if the gifts aren't enough, there seem to be more people hoarding the mass quantity of sale items than there were the week before; a time in which we make excuses to spend inexcusable amounts of money on people who need nothing but love. I heard a statistic today that the biggest week for redeeming gift cards is this week - the week between Christmas and New Years. It is also retailers biggest week in returns. So not only do we need more, but what we are gifted is not good enough. Are we so immersed in the 'kingdom of thingdom' that redemption has become more so the condition of converting something into cash or value vs. salvation of sin through Jesus' sacrifice?

All this being said, again, it is still one of my top 5 stores, so I am obviously a depraved individual myself on some level. It was a good reminder not to carelessly put that something extra in my cart that I often walk out with.

feliz navidad

2005-12-25T17:19:00.001-08:00

Si usted es alguien quien puede entender lo que estas leyendo, entonces esto es justo para ti! Estoy sentada aqui sola en la oficina de mis suegros, pero hay mucha emocion al otro lado de la puerta. Hemos comido, compartido, y hemos hechado bastante ruido al curso de la noche. Pero cada vez que me encuentro en estas situaciones, siempre me doy cuenta que hay algo que falta....ustedes, mi familia. No quiero estar mal entendida; doy gracias cada dia por la gente que Dios ha puesto en mi vida aqui en esta tierra extranjera. Cada dia lo estoy apreciando mas. Tengo un esposo quien me ama infinitamente y dos hijos quien me inspiren a vivir con un intento profundo. Tenemos amigos fieles de quienes soy increiblemente orgullosa. Dios me ha bendicido en maneras que nunca podre describir. Despues de haberlo dicho, tambien dire que nunca seran reemplazados. Nunca. Es increible pensar que la capacidad de amar a otros crece con cada persona que entra a la vida. Les extrano mucho, y deseo haber podido compartir estos tiempos con ustedes. Pero el tiempo esta a punto de asomarse. El dia vendra que estaremos juntos otra vez. Y hasta entonces, seguire orando por cada uno de los cuatro. Lo importante no tiene nada que ver con nosotros, sino en compartir el tremendo amor que conocemos con los que son mas desafortunados. Les amo mas que las palabras podran describir. Feliz Navidad...

from ours to yours

2005-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

christmas

2005-12-24T00:37:00.000-08:00

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
-John 3:16-17

hello mr. winston

2005-12-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

My husband just surprised me tonight with a beautiful gift, exquisite and multifaceted in an element all its own. And while there may very well have been a Harry in the audience, I am referring to having the pleasure of seeing George Winston in concert. He is hands down one of my top two favorite current pianists of our time.

It all began after rushing out of rehearsal for tomorrow's service down to Orchestra Hall in the cities. Not even having time to stop anywhere for a quick bite to eat, our elegant evening kicked itself off in the McDonalds drive thru. This was followed by a realization that Peter had forgotten his change of clothes in his car, therefore making my decision to change my attire one of compromise in our car/dressing room. These things, along with my husband's crazy sense of humor and many long laughs, set our evening up for perfection. And so, in we walked hand in hand in our jeans.

Good ol' George did not disappoint. As I had not yet seen him live, I was even more awe struck at this man's ability to make a Steinway Concert Grand sound more fabulous than I thought possible. It is as if the keys are simply an extension of his fingers, each willed to play with a brief brain signal. I was aware that Peter picked up on this same thing after he leaned over during one song featuring stride piano and said, "I know how he does it. He has eight fingers on each hand!" He is truly phenomenal. He also played a couple select numbers of slack key guitar, as well as one piece on the harmonica. It is a pleasant feeling to walk out of something with a greater appreciation than you had for it when walking in. So thank you, Mr. Winston, for a fantastic evening.

Even greater thanks to my husband for this wonderful gift. Thank you for supporting and sharing my passions and dreams in life; for sacrificially showing your love every day that goes by. And thanks, of course, for making me laugh the way you do; I have yet to meet someone that even comes close. It was, indeed, a perfect gift. I love you!

tagged

2005-12-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

Funny that I am following up my previous post with another blogging trend. More ironic than amusing, really. However, I have truly enjoyed reading all of my friends' response to this same thing, and so will delightfully comply.

I have been tagged by Katrina (not the hurricane). (= I must now list 5 things that few people know about me & then tag a max 5 more to follow suit. Here goes...

I still dream of becoming a classical composer along with a small handful of other things when I grow up; not a conductor, mind you. The closest I have come thus far is 12th grade AP Music...I have a long way to go. I am not sure whether or not I used to try and hide it, but I am proud to have a profound appreciation for the art (Mom, this is one of my childhood dreams).
I sliced my ring fingernail with a wire cutters as I was designing my window boxes a few weeks ago, and it is having a difficult time recovering. This makes for an unsightly holiday manicure. The only reason I write this is to say that I have a strange obsession with keeping my nails symmetrical at all times. This is quite a change from a younger e, most apparent if one were to compare my hands now to my hands during basketball season.
I, too, check my alarm a minimum of 2 times every time it is set. I do not understand this compulsivity as I rarely wake up to it anyways. I do not believe I have it in me to be timely. Latina de corazon, pero desafortunadamente no de sangre. No one here listens to that excuse.
I ain't scared to say I dance when no one is watching. How can you listen to Fruta Fresca, 25 Horas, 2 times...and not move to the beat? My boys are being trained well. Speaking of which, I love Mark Twain's quote on the subject: "Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." I'd like to think I try...
I dream in Spanglish. Enough said.

I believe I will try to extend this into the blogspot world to those who may be most inclined to respond. That being said, I tag Audra, Peter, Lori, and Elly. Happy tagging.

Disclaimer: same 3, just because.

purple

2005-12-08T23:25:00.000-08:00

As I am writing, I still can't believe that I am doing so regarding such a topic. I decided to actually post one of these online for some abstract reason, and believe it will be the last. I agree with absolutely nothing aside from the fact that I am expressive. Who isn't?

Disclaimer: Brenton, Chad, and Chris - nothing personal.

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

praise the king

2005-12-07T03:49:00.000-08:00

It is quite a rarity that I would find myself posting in the latter half of the morning hours, but I must admit it feels good for a change. This morning finds the cold less harsh, the dark not as destitute, and the whispers to my heart palpable and more sincere...

Finding words to post has been something that has continued to elude me. I believe I have found it more important to direct my words towards others with an unequivocal intentionality than to write them here in this journal of sorts. And I will not feign; I still struggle through each day more so than is characteristic. I do believe, however, that amidst my small and seemingly unimportant hardships, He continues to teach me the process of worshipping with all that I am.

I was at the end of the Psalms the other day and came across Psalm 148. Ironically enough, or completely not what have you, I had just sung a song the previous week that was based on this. It is a song that I have been singing woven throughout the course of my thoughts, prayers, and dreams ever since.

No matter the times we find ourselves in, He never leaves us or forsakes us. He longs for us to feel the warmth of His embrace and the joy of His love. I must praise Him; I must continue the process of surrendering all that I am into His hands.

correction

2005-11-29T09:04:00.000-08:00

So as to hopefully stop receiving 50 million observations on how I was off on the title given the style of my house, I am posting it once and for all. It was "lavish lodge" vs. the "luxury lodge" that I had named it in a previous post. Believe me, I would have nothing to do with the word lodge when talking about my styles or pastimes had it not been for the show in the first place. Mil disculpas. There. It is done.

i am thankful

2005-11-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

and I pray there is not a day that goes by that I have not shown Him just how much...

here it is, folks

2005-11-21T23:34:00.000-08:00

SPECIAL PRESENTATION
On HGTV, Joan Steffend, host of Decorating Cents: 100 Holiday Ideas Under $100 (Episode HDEC4-100H)

Decorating Cents: 100 Holiday Ideas Under $100, Host Joan Steffend and a team of talented designers present 100 holiday ideas for decorating your home—all under $100 each!

AIR TIMES:
•November 27, 2005 9:00 PM ET/PT
•November 28, 2005 1:00 AM ET/PT
•November 29, 2005 9:00 PM ET/PT
•November 30, 2005 1:00 AM ET/PT

the second is this

2005-11-20T23:06:00.000-08:00

The last week or so has been a particularly rough one for a number of different reasons. Amidst the chaos of happenings, I have struggled with questions I have been continuously searching for the answers to. There are truly no words that I have wanted to share for fear that they would be anything but transparent; merely a facade of convincing both myself and others of my clean composure. As this is something that I abhor, I have attempted to refrain from both writing and speaking words that are not heartfelt. In turn, this has constituted much more silence than usual.

Though there is a time and season in life for many things, this - a day, a week, a month in mine - smalls in comparison to the millions of lives that I share this time with. We are creatures in desperate need of love. I long for a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude. At the end of the day, though, there is a truth that remains in me: I am sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see. If tomorrow never comes, I am confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it. Yet there are countless others languished away in lies who cannot say the same.

I received words from an old friend who is near and dear to my heart. They were words filled with sadness and despair; words coming from a heart that is lost and badly bruised, and that has not acknowledged His love in far too long. I continue to learn how to worship through the struggles, but this reminded me how important it is to continue to learn to love others through the struggle, as well. I will find resolve in some way or another; meanwhile, the mission is still at hand.

And so, in the words of a great teacher, I must continue to live outside of myself and be willing to be interrupted to love with the same love that has been freely given me regardless of my imperfection.

luxury lodge

2005-11-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

Winter has come; a thin layer of snow coats all that it touched in the first storm of the season, & it is colder than I would ever wish for in sanity (or insanity - however you wish to look at it). Our thermostat is jacked up to something unheard of, yet being bundled in a sweatshirt and blanket seem insufficient. The positive to all of this: I am sitting here...in my very own "luxury lodge"...

As promised, I will give a brief update of the happenings surrounding the grand HGTV production that has taken place in the Corniea household for the last two days. "Decorating Cents" is a decorating show that usually entails a room makeover, but this was a special Christmas edition of "100 Christmas ideas for under $100". Basically, the crew came in and added Christmas spunk to our preexisting decor. And to say the least, I am quite pleased.

It has been a whirlwind since Saturday night, and I am exhausted (I realize that I say that a lot, but no worries on my end, so there need not be on yours). Granted, I only saw the crew yesterday morning and again tonight, but all of the thought and prep in between was exhausting.

My neighbor works for the production company, and called me up last minute on Saturday night to see if we would be willing to be involved...Interested in being involved in a show that is done on my favorite TV station in the whole world, you say? Absolutely! And so, it began. I readied my home as much as possible for something I knew very little about. I slept not a wink on Monday night, only to be bombarded by a crew of production people on Tuesday morning. They invaded army-style to the point of having to do a sideways shuffle to move around the mass conglomeration. We then prepped to do our first filming of "family time" out in the cold rain for the next hour. Funny enough, I would never be out with my kids in the rain in freezing weather acting "natural". So, it was as natural as could be. After that was done, we handed them the keys, said our farewells, and agreed to come back the next evening for the big reveal. From this point to the last was the most difficult as I began to think of some of the monstrosities I have seen on reality television, and trying to coach myself as to how I would handle a situation like this if it were to arise. Thankfully, I needed no such planned reaction, and should not have thought twice as the designer is great!

Walking into my house tonight was a scene out of TV, literally. Something about being blindly led into a room of your own house while Joan Steffend tells you to open your eyes whilst envisioning a "luxury lodge" is incredibly surreal. Honestly. I felt as though I was downstairs watching from the comfort of my own family room, and for some reason forcing myself to act out an appropriate reaction in my head. Acting was not very necessary, though, as the surrealness of it all hit us as I'm sure it hits every other homeowner. And they didn't even remodel-they just added to it! I don't think I could handle such a big ordeal as that. Christmas specialty was a perfect fit for my first time. What a fun story to add to our life happenings book...

And so, again, at the end of the affair, this is some of what I have to look at:

The show will air on HGTV on November 27th, sometime in the evening (not specified yet). I am unashamedly plugging this, because when does this stuff ever happen again? This also entails that a viewing party is in order. That being said, come one, come all. Be there or be square. If you're not, watch it wherever you are!

speechless

2005-11-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

I have been trying harder than usual to make something of my artistic expressionism as of late, but it has proven to be unusually difficult. I could blame it on lack of sleep, too much house work, too much practice of non original work, prepping for HGTV to come and shoot at my house tomorrow and Wednesday (oh man - I had to plug it! I will explain after the fact...), & la di dah. Mainly, I am trying to force something that isn't there at the moment. BUT, then I have a delectable evening & am thoroughly refreshed by those who have made art of their appreciation.

We just returned from another great concert, this time featuring David Crowder, Shane & Shane, and the Robbie Seay Band from a Collision Tour. Praise God for the words and music that have come from the overflow of these hearts. It rocked. Three hours flew by too quickly.

God has created us each with such extreme uniqueness. My time for expression will come, but for now I remain speechless & in awe...and it's not such a bad place to be.

"Here, surrounded by the products of Nature, often I sit for hours, while my senses feast upon the spectacle of Nature. Here the majestic sun is not concealed by any dirty roof made by human hands, here the blue sky is my sublime roof. When in the evening I contemplate the sky in wonder and the host of luminous bodies continually revolving within their orbits, suns or earths by name, then my spirit rises beyond these constellations so many millions of miles away to the primeval source from which all creation flows and from which new creations shall flow eternally. When, now and again, I endeavor to formulate my seething emotions in music - oh, then I find that I am terribly deceived; I throw my scrawled paper upon the ground and feel firmly convinced that never shall anyone born on this earth be able to express in sounds, words, colors or stone those heavenly images that hover before his excited imagination in his happiest hours... Yes, it must come from above, that which strikes the heart; otherwise it's nothing but notes, body without spirit, isn't that so? What is body without spirit? Earth or muck, isn't it? The spirit must rise from the earth, in which for a time the divine spark is confined, and much like the field to which the ploughman entrusts precious seed, it must flower and bear many fruits, and, thus multiplied, rise again towards the source from which it has flown. For only by persistent toil of the faculties granted to them do created things revere the creator of infinite Nature."

- Beethoven (1770-1827) conversation with Johann Stumpff

random thought

2005-11-08T23:06:00.000-08:00

We often times express ourselves by encapsulating thousands of words strung into various thoughts into a single statement or line of text. It is no wonder that we are misunderstood.

ah, to be famous...

2005-11-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

...or not.

Props to Brenton and Chris for keeping me laughing throughout the course of this crazy day. Though I consider myself undeserving of the attention, I will gladly welcome competition head on any day.

And please, next time give me a fair share of warning so I can at least prepare myself...

pressing on toward the goal

2005-11-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

I am exhausted. That being said, I will also say that I am satisfied, fulfilled, and peacefully pensive at the end of yet another day. It is so good to be held.

Our service today was great; I truly felt that the passions of His people were authentically portrayed by means of individuality flowing out of a same purpose. We had a good time relaxing with some of the team of people we do ministry with at a gathering we had after church, as well. I am incredibly grateful for an amazing group of people I am blessed to know and serve alongside. What a ride.

His Word is alive. I can read one of my favorite passages over and over again, and it is as though I am being enveloped with the words for the very first time...And so, for a select few this may seem redundant, but may actually prove to be useful as you should be able to get through it without any choked up pauses. Without further adieu, this is a great passage in which Paul paints another picture of why we do what we do. And we press on...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."

simple: simply simplify

2005-11-04T00:12:00.000-08:00

I was able to talk on the phone with my mom tonight for a nice long time; so refreshing! It is incredibly hard to be without the physical presence of those you love so much, but it makes it that much better when there is any form of contact that takes place.

One of our topics of conversation had to do with everything revolving around simplifying life. Some advice she gave me tonight was something like this: "Simplify whenever you can. Always reevaluate the things you feel you need as well as the things you feel you should be living without." This was good for me to hear, as well as encouraging, as we are in the process of figuring some of this out as it pertains to our lives in our current situation. At the same time, though, as these thoughts have been processing throughout the course of the night, I still find it so incredibly difficult to discern and differentiate the importance of some of the 'stuff'.

Something I must be very careful with is an easy assumption in my own head that because I live in the U.S. now, I am automatically entitled to more 'things'. Granted, it may seem to be true due to miles of highway, the ease of a home purchase, a plethora of grocery options, a need for a seasonal wardrobe, and the list goes on. It gets imprinted fairly easily as I am surrounded by much more materialism that I have been accustomed to. Yet, I find myself questioning the relativity of it all when I break it down to the basics.

My family has been living in an actual house for the first time in many, many, many years. Actually, I think for the first time ever. It is beautiful and was a perfect solution a short while ago. They are now simplifying and moving back into an apartment close by, as location was a key to their previous move. There is no apprehension at all, but rather excitement for what lies ahead (except for the packing, of course. Wish I could be there to help, mom!) This is great for me to live though, even though I am not very involved in the process.

I am thankful to be on a continual learning curve as change surrounds my life; I pray I am open to it as seasons come and go. I am grateful for the challenges that I have been through already, as well as those that are to come. Also, I am blessed to continue to have examples set for me by my parents. Thanks, guys!

burn baby burn

2005-11-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

"Mission is to the church as fire is to burning." -Emil Brunner

I ask myself these questions: Is my mission at the forefront of every thought, word, and action? What is there in my life that extinguishes advancement? What are tangible things our individual communities can do to further the Kingdom?

We must not believe the mission to be impossible. We must realize that our goal is completely obtainable, and therefore live it out passionately. We, the Church, must be a fire that is crazy unmanageable.

What are we going to do to fan the flames?

no worries...

2005-11-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

...if only it were that simple.

There is so much in me tonight that would be classified as being preoccupied with getting vs. responding to God's giving. I am being stretched tremendously in many ways right now, and know that it is because I have made some important decisions as of late. I turned to Matthew 6:19-34 to read what I have heard over and over, but taking a look at The Message version did me some good.

I must meticulously remind myself to look to nothing & no one else but the One who is love, or I will surely find myself scaling the same walls I had already managed to find my way over.

navidades

2005-10-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

I went on a late night run to our local Target with D tonight, and was completely overwhelmed by the massive quantity of product they sell. I am aware that this would appear to be an every day byproduct of what I call the "Target Temptation", but tonight was quite different. Each shelf was absolutely jammed packed with junk; junk I hate to love, but junk nonetheless. All of the newest technology was out on display, and brand new interactive marketing tools were hung for all to indulge in. Even the top shelves were towering with stacks upon stacks of stuffed Tiggers, talking Yodas, & dress-up Doras. Ah yes, the holiday season is near.

Keeping in mind the fact that I have had money on the mind, I had an epiphany. Take a seat and buckle up...this one is monumental: What in the world do I need in this store? What in the world does anyone else I know need from this store? (Aside from the pack of CD-Rs to burn for tomorrow's practice) Absolutely nothing. And it takes me back...

There is very little I remember of gifts I have received for Christmas throughout the years of my childhood. This is not because I did not receive them, but rather was obviously more affected by the occurrences that surrounded those times more than anything else. I am feeling the need to incorporate similar events in the life of my young family. Both I am inspired to write of have to do with the back of a truck...

One tradition was to gather with our closest friends in a time of fellowship and thanksgiving before going out caroling among the neighborhoods of Quito. It was as if the love that we knew so deeply could do nothing but pour out of us. We truly were a beautiful chorus. Nevermind the fact that the older I got, the further I blended in to the back row. Or the fact that I began to refuse to wear the matching sweatshirts. (All in love, mom & dad!) I mean, lets get real - a teenager must maintain some sense of dignity.

Another tradition was to assemble hundreds of navidades, which literally means "Christmases". They were typically a small, colorful plastic bag filled with a pancito (small roll), una fruta (a piece of fruit) & unos caramelitos (some candy). We would then ride to find what we thought to be the most suited location and begin to hand them out by the bag full to children, mothers, & fathers galore. We would typically mark their hands with a smiley face and say a few words such as "Que Dios le bendiga" (God bless) or "Cristo te ama" (Jesus loves you). When I was young, I truly felt I was living out what I thought comparable to a feeding of 5,000. I can vividly remember the face of one mother who came back in a line three different times. She may have thought we wouldn't remember a face, but she didn't know I had the eyes of a hawk and would watch in awe as she would go to a nearby stream to scrub the marker off of her hand, only to get back in the long line again to receive a mere plastic bag of a few things. I'm sure she could have left it on and been able to get another bag or two. However, the lessons I learned from instances such as these marked important algorithms to my life procedures.

I do not believe there is one very defined way to live out what Christmas really means, or every day of my life, for that matter, aside from the obvious mission. I do not intend to belittle family tradition centered around gift-giving. I would just hope that there is some consideration before swiping the card.

So to you, whoever you are, let us hand out Christmas this year. More than anything else, may we freely share the light and love of our Savior.

letter to grandpa

2005-10-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

Hi Grandpa Judd!

This is Devin. I am writing you an email in my office. I would like to come to Quito to come stay at your new house. I like the picture you sent from the mountain from, yeah, Peru, yeah. I like doing emails for work. You know those things, those things that are like my computer? Yeah those things - I like to play games and read Thomas on my computer. I like to punch on the table at dinner like you do when you are happy, Grandpa Judd. That's funny. I like that. Remember that? Write me an email too. I like doing emails.

I love you!

From Devin

hold fast

2005-10-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

The wealthy cannot purchase substance.
The pulchritudinous become repugnant.

The deceiving come out right on top.

The wise lack a sense of judgement.

The successful prove to be failures.
The strongest cut expeditiously.
The weakest emerge victorious.
The believing claim disbelief.
The seeing do not envision.
The silent seem emphatic.
The wrong appear right.
The given gives up.
The blind can see.
Yet still I say
Satisfy me.

psalm 119:76-77

2005-10-26T23:08:00.000-07:00

"Oh, love me--and right now!-hold me tight!
just the way you promised.
Now comfort me so I can live, really live;
your revelation is the tune I dance to."

indescribable

2005-10-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I just have to say that John Mayer is amazing. He is an incredible writer; I would define his art as fluidity at it's finest. His prose seems to drop just so into the smoothness of the music, much like a drop of water falling onto an otherwise glass-like surface sends intricate ripples through the water, bringing life, depth, and movement to what was already there. I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you don't enjoy listening to him, or at least have an appreciation for his musicianship, you have misplaced some part of your brain. Please go find it. (Let's just call this my "currently listening" meaningless intro)

I believe this will end up being the culmination of events of this weekend, for lack of a better thematic element.

On Friday I was more mommy than anything else. We had a relaxing morning at home, but decided to venture out to get some tasks accomplished in the afternoon. Of course, as I have yet to figure out a predictable schedule, I did not get one thing done that I had set out to do. Barnes & Noble's children's section was fortunate enough to be graced by our visitation rights as we sat for almost 2 hours reading a plethora of books. Devin's new favorite was anything that read "Chicken Little". Jaden was chill as always. Pete came to meet us, and we headed up to hang out with friends; he partied with the boys at a men's event, & us girls and moms did what we do best. It was a relaxing night of fellowship. Our family's longest laughing spell of the month occurred this day due to Peter's crazy life meanderings of things he would like to excel at, and the way it happened to play out. (what else)

Saturday began with band practice in the morning. God is doing some awesome things in our midst, so it was fun to gather with a new group of people to see what we could offer Him. I then accompanied some friends on a brief shopping stint, finished the errands I had set out to do the day before, and got home to get ready to go for a night out.

This evening deserves its own paragraph. We, along with our buds Brenton & Steph, left all 4 of our kids in someone else's care and made ourselves look a little more presentable than normal. This is a rarity. We could have done anything at all, really, and I'm sure it would still have had it's own paragraph. We were able to go out for a nice dinner before heading off to an evening of worship with the Indescribable tour consisting of Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Louie Giglio. Of special note was Louie's message followed by Tomlin playing us out with some of my favorite worship songs. When I am able to get out of the norm and simply take it all in, I tend to take on less of a participatory role and really try to learn as much as I can by what I observe and by what I understand relevant to what God is trying to teach me. There were some definite moments of worship towards the end, though, and simply being in awe of the love that surrounds me is worship in and of itself. I can never get sick of saying that I am blessed.

I suppose it is technically yesterday morning by now, but I have yet to end the day, so will simply call it Sunday. I awoke early as usual to prep, got through another great practice, and then executed and finished off our service. As it is "Pastor Appreciation Month", we were able to honor the tremendous leaders that I am fortunate enough to serve alongside. The rest of the day was spent with both friends we love knowing and friends we are loving getting to know. And as I sit here, I am realizing that I still have room left in me for more. This, too, is a rarity at the end of a few full days.

In retrospect, I am in a stage of life in which I am excited for what each new day has in store. I am slowly learning how to decrease the importance of my life, and am becoming increasingly aware of His work around me. I have such a long road ahead, but know that He is faithful. I was told today by someone whose opinion I greatly value that I appeared to be "fired up" as I lead worship. Way more encouraging than "it was good today". Who in the world cares? Man, do I wish I could emanate passion on a regular basis; not for my own sake, but all for His glory. I AM fired up, and I pray that it is He who fills the voids and expands my capacity for living every day for a long, long time.

bows off

2005-10-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

"Christians are somehow prone to talking more about where they've been instead of where they are. Very few people want to speak up while they are in process... They'd rather wait until their junk is resolved, so they can give a 'testimony' about the happy ending. As it relates to your writing, please don't feel the need to tie it up with a bow at the end."

This is a quote by Brad, Nichole Nordeman's A & R guy. I have been thinking and talking a lot about honesty lately and how it pertains to the way we live out our lives. There is a quote that is framed in a home of someone I love that reads something like this: "There is much coldness among us because we do not dare to be as cordial as we really are." This always stood out to me, but I feel I have begun to understand the meaning more and more as faces fade in and out of my life.

What would happen if the walls came down around us and we were all free to bask in an environment of honesty, compassion, grace, mercy, love? If honesty were a given, what would be the next underlying issue we would feel the need to resolve?

As it pertains to my life in Christ, I pray I learn in increasing amounts how to present myself as unpackaged.

the strong-willed child

2005-10-21T00:18:00.000-07:00

I finished Dr. James Dobson's The New Strong-Willed Child tonight. Good read. Thanks, mom! Ultimately, I was encouraged by it. Dobson has some great things to say regarding parenting and disciplining techniques, as well as good stories and encouragement in the process. The man definitely has some great experience to share with the world. But more than anything, I am feeling incredibly proud to be a mother. Is it because I have the most obedient child in the world? Nope. Is it because I have motherhood all figured out? Oh yeah - must be. Or not. It is because I am so proud of my sons. Jaden is an amazing baby boy; it is indescribable to see life evolve so quickly right before your eyes. Four months bring more change than seems possible. I will have as much to write about him as I do about his big brother. This book made me think about Devin more than anything, hence the title. My strong, beautiful boy.

The "wild and woolly will" is a crazy thing one must deal with in their children. Giving up and in are easy outs off the rollercoaster ride of emotions that this journey takes you on. But just as He never gives up on us, we never give up on them. It's amazing how easy it is to forget any of the tough times moments after they arise. I have come off of a particularily rough time with Devin throughout all the life change that has gone on in our lives in the past few months. Yet the light that shines in him seems to be growing brighter each time I sit to contemplate it. I have seen a mind in this child that has such an awareness and keen understanding for life, beyond that which would seem fathomable for a 3 and a half year old. My responsibilty to facilitate growth in this respect is a huge task...In closing, Dobson references 3 John 4 which says this: "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth". This statement rings loud and clear. If I do nothing else for them as a mother, yet they grow to love and serve Christ, I have served my purpose. They will have everything they need.

Devin made this comment the other day; he sure knows how to pull out one-liners. When asked what he was doing as he had his arms wrapped around himself, appearing to be giving himself a painful hug, he replied with this: "I am trying to squeeze Jesus out". Sure, the logistics may be a little off, but there is so much that is right. And so much that makes me the proudest mother of 2 little boys, strong-willed or not.

I love you both so very much!

as penned by c.s. lewis

2005-10-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries...lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell!

...We love to know that we are not alone."

-C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

master composer

2005-10-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

My house is mostly silent. The only sound filling this space is Marin Marais: Suite as performed by the Palladian Ensemble. That, and the gentle hum of the dishwasher in the background. A girl must do the latter when she can fit it in; no matter...both sounds are as soothing.

I often wonder how a classical piece can take me from laughter to tears all in the same movement. Who would have thought that music not delegated a single word could tell a story so intricate, it often brings more meaning to my soul than those which are lyrically flourished.

Grieg. Beethoven. Handel. Mozart. Bach. Haydn. Puccini. Schubert. Tchaikovsky. Brahms. Debussy. Vivaldi. Rachmaninoff. Strauss. Even the sound of their names seem to play themselves out in melodic intervals. I have to believe that very few minds are capable of interpreting the harmonics of each note coinciding with another enough to string them together, bar by bar, into an orchestrated masterpiece. This is an example of intelligence at its prime.

Props to the Master Composer himself who has given intrinsic value to the sounds which He has both created and inspired.

Lastly, a brief shout out to a few of the famous: Mrs. Araque, Mrs. Renaud, and mom & dad, who all encouraged me to live out with gusto one of the four lifelong dreams of my youth. I must believe that I, too, am more intelligent from the years of training, influence, and practice these individuals found important enough to impress upon me.

emptied

2005-10-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

This may sound crazy, but as I thought about writing out my thoughts of the day, I truly don't have much to say. Today is the first day in quite a while in which I feel I have put everything important in my head out of my mouth; therefore, I am not feeling the need to feed it through my fingers in the form of blogging. Instead, I will go to sleep at a decent hour. Thanks to all of you who shared, cried, listened, encouraged, and laughed with me today. I love doing life with you. I love the anticipation of knowing I will continue to do life with you. I am blessed by you - thoroughly blessed.
Peace.

hanging by a moment

2005-10-12T22:43:00.000-07:00

Time: 12:40 a.m.
Place: hotel lobby computer in Chicago
Event: life
Value: priceless

So here I sit, so full of contemplation, that I fear words can and will never suffice. I have had much inspiration at the end of this day due to Willow Creek Community Church & the blessing of the A2 conference, the power of the Trinity, and the importance of community, among a vast number of other specifics. I have been challenged, renewed, restored, all in a day's work.

I've heard it said a million times over. "It's those highly emotional/spiritual God-highs that those events bring about". Here's the thing: I am challenged by these types of things every single stinking day that I claim existence on this earth. So is it possible that the door that has been opened in my soul this day brought about by obedience is the door that will mark my one small step, one giant leap? If not this day, then it had better be a door that has already been opened in the very near future. And I had better not find the exit door first.

I have been waiting to move; more like slowly but surely making tiny little steps in the right direction. There are so many unknowns. There is so much that I have yet to learn and understand. I can clearly see my calling playing itself out in my head. It is so incredibly intricate that I already feel that life depends on making it a reality. Yet, I am scared. I am unsure of the first leap to take. It is the missing link; the last couple pieces of this puzzle before I can start the next. I am sure of it. Tears are streaming down my face uncontrollably. This life is made for greatness. His greatness. I know this. I know it each morning I awake. What is dangling right in front of my face that I have yet to grab for?

I mark my own words...I do not want to hang by this moment; I want to grasp for a lifetime. I want to know as I am fully known. I want to share what I passionately believe to be true. I want to sing a song that makes my God smile as His tears of joy cover me with a satisfaction that is irreplaceable. I want to remain wrapped up in His arms for the rest of my days. I want to experience the life He would have for me; a life that leaves a legacy more important than any accomplishment fathomable to my mind.

Do I dare to move?

won't you come in?

2005-10-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Picture this...

It's 3:00 in the afternoon on our beautifully sunny block. All seems normal, aside from the blaring 99-00 ecua club mix someone is bumping to high heaven. Those someones are a family full of crazies, dancing and prancing around their living room without a care in the world, reminiscing about the moves they could throw down in the good ol' years. Their eldest son is loving it, as mom and dad try to compete for best move of the year. Even the wee one seems utterly amused.

All at once, there is a knock at the door. Mr. Crazy had gone downstairs for a spell, but Mrs. Crazy and Crazy Jr. were still tearing it up. In a moment of surprise, she sees the face of Mr. Neighbor Man with an embarrassed grin on his face that read, "Oh my gosh, I will just pretend I was not looking in their window. Try no to laugh...try not to laugh..." The door is opened, and they are wondering if Mini Neighbor Man can play.

One would be hard pressed to forget the look on that face. Mrs. Crazy should have been bold enough to say, "Welcome to our dance party! Won't you come in?"

my conclusion of the day is...

2005-10-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

that I try to accomplish one too many things on my own. My strength, whether real or feigned, is often times my greatest weakness. I am not created to hold it all in; to conceal and carry. Yet my humanity drives me to the tendency to do so. My heart & mind need always to be strengthened, but rarely my pride.

It's like this: I loved when my husband got home. He has a way of putting things in perspective for me. It doesn't hurt that the moment he walks in, he shows me love, tells me to rest as he takes the kids, and asks me what I want for dinner. It doesn't hurt that he's the funniest man alive, either. You haven't lived until you've laughed with him. He helps me to not take myself so seriously amidst the trivial things in life. Man do I love him.

Speaking of love, it's also great to have friends alongside me to lighten the load of the journey we are taking together. It's so refreshing to know that when they say they are bummed that I didn't ask for help, they mean it. I mean, seriously. Why would I not want that kind of companionship helping me to get through the rough?

Even more love, yeah, feeeeel it, is when my dad calls me (even though we ended up having to chat instead), and lets me know he loves me, loves my blog, cares enough to know my thoughts, and asks me for an opinion on something important. I am so proud to be his daughter. I pray my kids feel for me what I feel for my parents.

Lastly, I am so naive to leave the Man Himself out of things, trivial as they may be. Why is He even around at the end of a day I tried to conquer myself? Because He loves me. He forgives me. And that is never going to change. I am so blessed by the love that surrounds me. Sometimes it takes "just one of them days" to remind me.

Uff-dah. I must never rely on my own strengths. This oh-so-original concept seems overcooked, I know. But how often I forget...

cleaning out my closet

2005-10-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

There is water in our basement. Crud. If I had a potty mouth, I would have much more appropriate words to use here. It's too bad, because I could use a lot less words and save a lot more time. 24 hours down, a good 4 or so days left spent fixing the problem. Inevitable, yet seemingly a waste. I hate having any sort of possession right now. What is really ours to "own" in this world anyways?

I miss my family; my parents and siblings, that is. I miss the feeling of being surrounded by their love, warmth, and support. I miss their camaraderie. I miss "home". I miss...I just miss them.

I am remembering the early dating days, when it seemed to take a very small amount of work to keep the relationship going what seemed to be so well. Isn't it ironic that the longer you know someone, the more work you put in? At least it's worth it. I think I miss the "we are our own romance novel" feeling. Another irony: we're doing pretty gosh darn good right now in comparison. So why do I feel this today? I don't even think I've watched too sappy of a movie lately.

My kids are sleeping next to me on the couch; D has his arm around J. They're the best. I can't believe I've been entrusted with these beautiful boys. I don't think I am missing life without kids right now. Nope. They're making me smile. I do often times miss the life of lesser-responsibility, though (since there is such a thing). Why I had to bring that up after having said I'm not dealing with the issue is beyond me.

I can't stand the feeling that my best isn't good enough/great/excellent/whatever you want to call it. Yet this is what I feel today. I can't do anything well at the moment. I hate all of the paradoxes & paradigms & parawhatevers that surround my life. I wish they would all go away.

I look, feel, think a mess. I take my previous statement back. I am definitely able to snuggle up in a blanket and cry tears of self pity pretty well right now.

I'm tired. Really tired.

After reading what I've written, I am having a moment of clarity. There is only one thing that could be causing this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...