what if

No, people, I am not still awake at this inane hour of the morning. I realize that if you know me at all, you would tend to doubt the validity of that statement. On the contrary, it is yet another Sunday morning - the wee hours, that is. I can sleep in long and hard on any other given day if given the opportunity to do so, but not Sunday's. I rise early, pray quietly, & prepare much before having to jet off to what I still consider to be my most exhausting day of the week. I am not trying to complain here, but rather merely state the obvious: I love Sunday. I love when Sunday is passed.

This morning, however, finds me quite exhausted after realizing that I must not have slept much last night. I tossed and turned; my thoughts could not be put to rest. What is it in our beings that brings about the innate desire to ponder the "whatif's" in life? I'm not talking about the healthy dreams and visions of the future; about bettering ourselves one step at a time. I'm talking about regrets, desires of the flesh, fear of the ordinary; about putting myself in another life - a life I am certain is not intended for me. How can I find myself in a moment of dissatisfaction when I have a Father that loves me beyond my comprehension? How can I possess even a shadow of a doubt when I serve my intricate creator? Why do I let these thoughts take captive when I know He is holding me?

Thank God for words. Tangible words. Words that are written on pages, that I may know He is God, and I am nothing without Him. I couldn't breathe without them. God knows I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through life without words, either. I must always remind myself of the truths that I know. An insomniac's prayer...

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
9 They who seek my life will be destroyed; they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God; all who swear by God's name will praise him, while the mouths of liars will be silenced.