cleaning out my closet
There is water in our basement. Crud. If I had a potty mouth, I would have much more appropriate words to use here. It's too bad, because I could use a lot less words and save a lot more time. 24 hours down, a good 4 or so days left spent fixing the problem. Inevitable, yet seemingly a waste. I hate having any sort of possession right now. What is really ours to "own" in this world anyways?
I miss my family; my parents and siblings, that is. I miss the feeling of being surrounded by their love, warmth, and support. I miss their camaraderie. I miss "home". I miss...I just miss them.
I am remembering the early dating days, when it seemed to take a very small amount of work to keep the relationship going what seemed to be so well. Isn't it ironic that the longer you know someone, the more work you put in? At least it's worth it. I think I miss the "we are our own romance novel" feeling. Another irony: we're doing pretty gosh darn good right now in comparison. So why do I feel this today? I don't even think I've watched too sappy of a movie lately.
My kids are sleeping next to me on the couch; D has his arm around J. They're the best. I can't believe I've been entrusted with these beautiful boys. I don't think I am missing life without kids right now. Nope. They're making me smile. I do often times miss the life of lesser-responsibility, though (since there is such a thing). Why I had to bring that up after having said I'm not dealing with the issue is beyond me.
I can't stand the feeling that my best isn't good enough/great/excellent/whatever you want to call it. Yet this is what I feel today. I can't do anything well at the moment. I hate all of the paradoxes & paradigms & parawhatevers that surround my life. I wish they would all go away.
I look, feel, think a mess. I take my previous statement back. I am definitely able to snuggle up in a blanket and cry tears of self pity pretty well right now.
I'm tired. Really tired.
After reading what I've written, I am having a moment of clarity. There is only one thing that could be causing this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...
I miss my family; my parents and siblings, that is. I miss the feeling of being surrounded by their love, warmth, and support. I miss their camaraderie. I miss "home". I miss...I just miss them.
I am remembering the early dating days, when it seemed to take a very small amount of work to keep the relationship going what seemed to be so well. Isn't it ironic that the longer you know someone, the more work you put in? At least it's worth it. I think I miss the "we are our own romance novel" feeling. Another irony: we're doing pretty gosh darn good right now in comparison. So why do I feel this today? I don't even think I've watched too sappy of a movie lately.
My kids are sleeping next to me on the couch; D has his arm around J. They're the best. I can't believe I've been entrusted with these beautiful boys. I don't think I am missing life without kids right now. Nope. They're making me smile. I do often times miss the life of lesser-responsibility, though (since there is such a thing). Why I had to bring that up after having said I'm not dealing with the issue is beyond me.
I can't stand the feeling that my best isn't good enough/great/excellent/whatever you want to call it. Yet this is what I feel today. I can't do anything well at the moment. I hate all of the paradoxes & paradigms & parawhatevers that surround my life. I wish they would all go away.
I look, feel, think a mess. I take my previous statement back. I am definitely able to snuggle up in a blanket and cry tears of self pity pretty well right now.
I'm tired. Really tired.
After reading what I've written, I am having a moment of clarity. There is only one thing that could be causing this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...
posted by - e - | 5:19 PM
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