the second is this

The last week or so has been a particularly rough one for a number of different reasons. Amidst the chaos of happenings, I have struggled with questions I have been continuously searching for the answers to. There are truly no words that I have wanted to share for fear that they would be anything but transparent; merely a facade of convincing both myself and others of my clean composure. As this is something that I abhor, I have attempted to refrain from both writing and speaking words that are not heartfelt. In turn, this has constituted much more silence than usual.

Though there is a time and season in life for many things, this - a day, a week, a month in mine - smalls in comparison to the millions of lives that I share this time with. We are creatures in desperate need of love. I long for a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude. At the end of the day, though, there is a truth that remains in me: I am sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see. If tomorrow never comes, I am confident that He who began a good work in me will complete it. Yet there are countless others languished away in lies who cannot say the same.

I received words from an old friend who is near and dear to my heart. They were words filled with sadness and despair; words coming from a heart that is lost and badly bruised, and that has not acknowledged His love in far too long. I continue to learn how to worship through the struggles, but this reminded me how important it is to continue to learn to love others through the struggle, as well. I will find resolve in some way or another; meanwhile, the mission is still at hand.

And so, in the words of a great teacher, I must continue to live outside of myself and be willing to be interrupted to love with the same love that has been freely given me regardless of my imperfection.